cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (crazy)
So, the short story that I'm about to start...assembling...is told in spam headlines. Like you would see in a Gmail spam folder. The sender, subject line, and the first few words of the email.
So...I need your spam headlines. The stereotypical ones, as well as the ones that just made you grin because they were weird or funny.

Don't tell me I'm the only one who reads her spam folder!

(And yeah, I'm a little worried that this will get my story submission bounced into *actual* spam folders when I try to submit it. We'll see!)
cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • Spam: "Tired of being a man with delicate sphere problems?" Wow, I think they emailed that from another dimension.
  • Mgr re personalities of paralegal + assistant: "Those two are married in darkness."
  • Why you should care about preserving other species: ping.fm/vakgU
  • Help! I've fallen into a Tsarist Russia research pit and can't escape!
  • Have narrowed research pit from Tsarist Russia to 1700s Russia. Still hating the internets.
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)

  • Wow, spam is so enticing with subject lines like, "HIDDEN SHOP FOR MANS!"

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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • The first two cabbies knew naught and doubted that anything more exciting than a spoilt child in a tantrum existed on River Road. #nwm
  • Why yes, I need a t-shirt about the dark side of Santa's myth: ping.fm/UmSoL
  • The third remembered. "There was a nasty scene. Some poor sod in love with a girl in a workhouse recognized her aspect selling shoes." #nwm
  • November may be over, but "Walking Out of the Machine" isn't. I'll keep going until it's done. Then there will be rewriting. #nwm
  • Mpls library book/DVD/CD sale--$.25/item 12/05-12/11, $2/bag 12/12-12/19. ping.fm/dDYtL
  • Oddly enough, 90% of the time, when I see a submission response that starts with "Thank you," it's a rejection.
  • Got one of these in my email today. Bad phish! ping.fm/BzmlU
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 09:35 Got email from "Landsharkbaseball." Slightly scared.
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 10:56 Our garage gutter is filled with whirligig seeds from the maple tree. Squirrels view it as their personal buffet.
  • 18:13 Dear Spam: Saving effort by recycling responses to your own emails? "Stop sending me this crap" not likely to get your email read.
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)

  • 14:09 Dear Spam, "Deeper in her entrails" = NOT SEXY!

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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 09:12 Spam subject lines that scare me: "Answer or get diarrhea."
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 11:12 Dear Spam: "Powder for custard launcher"? Really? Custard launcher? Oy.
  • 11:25 Photo of the space shuttle before dawn (APOD): ping.fm/isSyQ
  • 13:42 - Although I can work on writing stuff here, I do not have cats that pester me for attention. ::misses cats::
  • 14:56 From the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks: bit.ly/xlUxI
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 07:58 In refrigerator magnet poetry at work, "My lawyers rapidly scream help."
  • 09:51 I dreamt I was trying to drink water from a dark mug, but I kept finding (and sometimes swallowing) fish, tadpoles, and insects.
  • 12:29 Spam metaphor of the day: "meat battleship"
  • 12:37 I'm constantly checking what today's date is at work, so this is awesome (LifeHacker): ping.fm/mGPO6
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 08:27 Spam: "The best software for you! Alcohol 120 v1.9.7.6022"
  • 13:17 It bodes well for new submissions whenever a contest extends its submission deadline. Means they haven't gotten what they want.
  • 13:52 + Working on writing stuff during happy magical work downtime.
  • 15:24 Mpls pan-handlers give good sign: http://fromthedeskofthemayor.blogspot.com/2009/04/pan-handling-competition-is-running-hot.html
  • 15:29 Saturday is Free Comic Book Day! Walk into any (participating) comic shop, pick up some of 30 free comics. ping.fm/BXvGF
  • 17:43 I now have a "USB Human Computer Interface Device." ::is amused::
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 18:20 Spam: "Revitalize your porkmonster! Your monster will visit squish mitten three times more than he did before!"
  • 18:23 Great recommendations for LoudTwitterers. Y'all should read!! ping.fm/DKU8J
  • 18:50 The Simple Dollar's great list of 50 side businesses that are easy to start (via Lifehacker): ping.fm/h3fzC
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 12:11 Heading over to Urban Bean coffee shop at 3255 Bryant Ave S. Already have @discoflamingo & @cvalenti - the more the merrier.
  • 13:19 Right now, happiness is a chocolate croissant and a mug of currant tea.
  • 13:21 Phil requests the loan of a pair of headphones if anybody else comes out to play.
  • 13:51 Writing a first-person story without specifying the gender of the main character is way easier than writing a synopsis similarly.
  • 14:24 Spam wants my help moving: "We need to remove cupboard, come on!" "Come tonight, we have beef steaks!"
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  • 13:02 No coffee shops or helping friends move or other fun things for us this weekend. Sick husband is sick.
  • 13:20 Are video games adequately preparing our children for the apocalypse? (via lj incaseofapoc) ping.fm/uBwZ4
  • 13:31 Funniest spam title of the day: "Get King Kong in pants."
  • 17:15 Have you seen my gumption? Because I seem to have misplaced it.
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 09:02 Had a dream-within-a-dream, 2 separate narrative lines. Neat.
  • 12:10 Amused by writing notes I leave for myself: "Move this section to previous for clue enhancement."
  • 12:30 Dear "Halloween Discount" spammers: You've got your season wrong.
  • 14:56 Phil's writing advice: "A first chapter, if written for men, should take no longer than a bowel movement to read."
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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 09:06 Other bus rider has put black tape over the "Vegan" logo on his bag. Wonder if he's gone back to dairy?
  • 14:48 Found Nuclear War under my coffee table. Wonder where it came from? (Yes, it's a card.)
  • 15:50 Know what the *only* definition for "tea-leaf" in Webster's Unabridged is? "Brit. slang: a thief."
  • 16:45 Bellydancing, burlesque, & magic? Kinda want to see this show: ping.fm/0E8Ho
  • 17:40 Right now my Sunday schedule is church, then tea party, then burlesque show. ::is amused::
  • 19:24 Being stalked by spam again. 'Reynold' has sent me an email saying, "You are like the sunshine so warm." #spam
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  • 11:12 "Put your doughnut in her oven" = Spam descending to seriously obscure sexual metaphors. #spam
  • 19:41 I'm not fond of the Thurs - Sun(and on) work schedule, but taking a small nap helped a lot.
  • 21:54 Really useful article re starting to garden (via Lifehacker): ping.fm/VI8tG
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  • 00:15 "Any women will jump into the abyss for a man that wears a Submariner SS watch" = Spam is now creating adventure fiction.

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cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
From the spam folder:

Your conscience is guilty!
I had an accident, come now!
Why didn't your catch taxi?
I want to restore contact with you.
Is your cell phone always busy?
We wait for you!
We miss you
I don't know where you are!
We seek for you all day.
Your cell phone is always busy.
Don't disappear again.
Can't you answer the call?
We have you been, honey?
When will we meet again?


Never, O creepy spam!
cloudscudding: Photo of Abra Staffin-Wiebe (Default)
  • 13:36 Eating BLT and drinking bacon coffee. Truly, Festivus white elephant gift exchanges are worthwhile.
  • 13:47 Turns out bacon coffee tastes more like maple syrup than bacon.
  • 19:42 "Now anyone can rob a bank and get away with it!!" = Spam is becoming desperate and criminal.
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